Sunday, September 12, 2010

A return to being human.

So...drumroll...last night I slept for 8 hours straight!  Taylor went down like a champion, about 10 minutes in her crib with no crying or standing and she was out.  She didn't wake up until 12:30, but I slept through that waking since Bruce takes the first half of the night.  Then she didn't wake again until 5:00 this morning.  Oh my goodness...I have been dreaming about 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep since long before little T was born.  (Anyone who's had a kid knows about the 500 trips per night to pee during the 3rd trimester...) 

It's funny, we started this whole "sleep training" deal as an act of desperation, and it has now kind of become a way of life, so to speak.  It's actually working.  I can't believe it.  And honestly, there is a part of me that really questions if it really is working or if we are just having a good week and then next week we'll be right back where we started, cranky zombies.  I feel like we are sinking into a normal routine of how things should be and it feels good!

Taylor is happier, so when she's awake, she is much more interactive and just plain fun to play with.  She's babbling, cruising, laughing, and moving all over the place!  It's amazing...she's amazing.  And then, instead of her staying up until whenever we go to bed, as was the case just a few short months ago, she's drifts off to dream land, and it gives Bruce and I a chance to be together again.  Granted, by that time we're both drained and all we want to do is sit in front of the tv, but still, we do it together.  It's sort of like regaining your best friend or something.  Might sound silly...

Fingers crossed that the trend continues...

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Sleep begets sleep

Things last night were good...really good.  Yessssss. 

The night before that however, yeah it was awful! lol.  And then yesterday, I suppose I had some sort of mixture of sleep deprived grouchiness and hormones and that combined to make a major breakdown...poor Bruce.  I don't understand why that happens sometimes.  I mean I had this patch where I felt horrid and angry and just plain mad at the world who I felt was screwing me.  Cried for about 45 minutes and then I came out of it and I swear it was like that person who was wailing 45 minutes before was someone other than myself.  I mean, I didn't even mean anything that I was saying and the feelings that I was having were so not the way I actually feel about life.  Am I crazy?  Do other people have these sorts of episodes, where someone else takes over your brain for a bit, makes you feel terrible, and then just like that, its gone and you're yourself again?  hmmm, maybe I shouldn't admit to this....maybe I AM crazy?  ;)

Today I took Taylor to the mall which was a total blast.  I hadn't taken her there in awhile and she is so much more aware of things around her these days so it was just plain awesome!  She was literally squealing in delight over seeing so many other kids.  I took her into the Disney store and I think she went into a state of rapture.  Of course we had to buy a Disney princess soccer ball which she insisted on carrying around the whole time we were there.  (which wouldn't have been any sort of problem, however I was carrying her in a sling so it was kind of annoying lol)

When I was there I was watching the other moms a bit.  It's so wierd to me, a lot of moms totally treat their kids like accessories, not like amazing little people.  I may have look like a complete idiot, but everywhere we go, I talk to Taylor, gabbering about nonsense, spinning, laughing, know, just having fun.  She is my buddy, and just as much as I do this stuff so that she has fun, I have fun too.  It seems like people do lots to entertain their kids that doesn't really involve interacting.  I find so much joy in playing with my little T.  Sure it means busting my bunsies (haha) doing it, but I love her.

Maybe I am just a little kid in a big body, but hey, I will continue to speak jibberish...don't judge.  ;)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

So, this is what it feels like....

Ok, so, we have worked the night wakings down to about 4 per night, 3 of them are quickies (back to sleep in about 5-10 minutes) and one is about 45 min-1 hour.  For us, this is a big deal.  Bruce and I have worked out a system so that one of us is "on-duty" for half the night and then we trade.  All of this has resulted in us getting some SLEEP!!!  Yay.  The past two days have been magical.  I feel human again.  Did laundry, mopped the floors, and am just plain happier.  Let's hope that the trend continues!  :)

Last Friday started off so badly, but thanks to a caring friend, we got out of the house, breathed some fresh air, played at the park and all was well with the world.  Yessssss.

Being a mom is such an adventure.  I think that it's really amazing to watch your child grow and witness their development, knowing that just months ago they were a resident in your tummy, unable to do a single thing for themselves.  Every day Taylor's little personality grows, and every day, she amazes me with some new skill.  This morning, she started clapping, just out of nowhere.  We were cuddling in my bed after she woke up and she just starts clapping.  and her walking skills get better every day...which totally frightens me!!!  Oh, and as she starts to eat more and more solids, her little taste buds have their preferences...cheese puffs (the baby kind of course) to be exact.  Lol, my little Baboo has a garbage gut!

Off to enjoy the rain...

Friday, September 3, 2010

My Friday Rant...


I am cranky, angry, tired, and everything other synonym to those three words....and then some.

First let me preface...  I am a complete believer that we can control our mood.  If you feel crappy, use your brain power to pull yourself out of the dumps.  (That is why I am ranting, gotta cleanse)  Also, on a positive note, I think that the sleep lady shuffle is starting to work.  We are getting longer stretches of sleep, and I am not nursing T back to sleep - she's getting there all by herself.  Tonight we move the chair across the room....woooot woooot.

Ok, now, the rant. 

#1 - ok seriously, two sleep deprived adults DO NOT mix well.  I am tired and hazy and foggy and feel like dung and my back hurts...etc!!!!  Problem=so is Bruce. It's so hard when you need a pillar of support and the person that you turn to is in the same boat as you.  What is normally your source of solace is now funky, just like you.  Again, two sleep deprived adults do not mix well.  I really need to branch out and make friends with mommys in my area.  I always feel so shy and like I am some sort of burden though.  Argg....what do I do?

#2 - Apparently Taylor is a little bit constipated.  So this morning (*Warning* if you don't want to hear about my baby's poop, don't read this section...), she has been letting out a pellet here and a pellet there.  Well, I thought that she was done so I put her in the tub for her AM bath.  You guessed it...she decided to leave a pellet there too.  And of course Bruce is off at the gym.  So I spent the first half of her nap bleaching...the tub, the toys, the bathroom.  The house reeks but that tub is CLEAN as heck.

#3 - So, at this point in the morning I am really losing my mind...and of course, as always, enter Mr. Wolf Spider.  Really???!!  Seriously...I was in a great mood yesterday, couldn't you have showed up then?  NO, you have to rear your ugly self while I am elbow deep in bleach and baby poop.  I'd like to know what we pay our pest service for?  Their nice uniforms?  Clearly it's not for pest control.  How do those dang spiders sense when I am funky and come out then and only then?????????? 

Ok, I feel better. 

Today is Taylor's 10 month birthday.  I think i'll take her out to ice cream or something that I probably shouldn't.  Bruce works late tonight and I say that both me, and my constipated Baboo deserve a sweet indulgence............

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Sleep Lady what what...???

Ok ok, I warned you that everything right now is about Taylors sleep...

Over the past few months we have done SO much to get things under control.  Co-sleeping ended, we moved Taylor into her very own room, establised day and night routines, got naps under control, stopped the endless car rides/walks to get her to sleep, etc. etc.  There is just one final piece to the puzzle, those darn (to put it politely) night wakings.  I have known that a huge problem is that I nurse Taylor to sleep every night/nap and that when she wakes up at night, I nurse her to get her back to sleep.  In the beginning, it was all I knew, but as she grew, it was just so easy.  Well my lazy approach has come to bite me in the butt!!!!  Two nights ago, Taylor literally woke up at least once EVERY SINGLE HOUR!!!  Oh my gosh...needless to say, yesterday Bruce and I both decided that something had to change.  Nither of us have really been able to do that Ferber just seems so mean to leave a baby in a room all alone to cry until she finally passes out all by her lonesome.  (I think that it would take a bottle or two of wine to be able to follow thru with that method...per night!!!!!!!!)  Yesterday afternoon, Taylor and I took a trip to the book store.  I had heard about this book "The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide Helping Your Child Go To Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy" and I was on a mission...must find book!!!  (Thanks to Half Price Books, I found it, and got it....well....half price.  lol)  I'd been reading the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" book, but its complicated and gave me a bit of guilt for even feeling like I needed to stop night nursing.  This book seemed different.

In my sleep hungry haze I devoured the first few chapters during Taylors afternoon nap yesterday.  I began to feel hope.  Here's what I like about the book - No guilt, no fuzzy wuzzy malarky about things, and most of all, she actually gives you a day by day outline of what you need to do to get your baby to sleep thru the night.  No other books that I saw did that.  The guessing game is gone.  Enter her routine: "The Sleep Lady Shuffle"  No nursing to sleep, always put baby to bed drowsy but not asleep.  Nights 1-3 sit in chair next to crib til baby falls, 4-6, move chair across room, 7-10, move chair to doorway, etc. until eventually you are out of the room and the idea is that at that point, the baby has learned to put herself to sleep.  Yes at the heart of it, you are still letting your child "cry it out", BUT at least you haven't abandoned her to do it herself, you are sitting right there, sushing is allowed and limited patting. 

SOOOOOOO...we weren't going to start it last night so I did the usual nurse Baboo to sleep.  Only she woke up after about 45minutes of sleep screaming.  It had to begin...tonight.  Wait what?!!  No more nursing her back to sleep?  CRAP!!!  Ok, here we go...

I went in there, comforted my sweet one, and then I sat in that chair, shushing, patting, doing all I could to assure her, mommy is here to cheer you on and keep you safe while you learn to fall asleep, all by yourself.  I sat there while she SCREAMED.  I had to death clutch a bottle of teething tabs in one hand while I chewed the nails on the other.  About halfway in, I began to doubt but stayed strong.  And then I realized, it was a whole lot easier to be there with her than listen to the screaming thru the monitor. THEN SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED....20 minutes in and she fell asleep!!  All by herself. 

Then we had to make a plan.  I took the bedtime-3:00am shift, Bruce took the 3-wakeup.  I think there were like 3 night wakings and we stayed strong.  No nursing, and sitting there comforting Taylor as she learns the vital skill of falling to sleep on her own.

Tonight is night 2.  I am nervous and excited all at once.  We'll see how it goes!!!!!!!!!!!!